Now we come to the last message in the sermon series "Family Blog." We have talked about TRUST, TIME, TALK, TRAIN, TASKS, and now, we deal with the toughest one of all, TOUCH.
One of the most challenging parts of family relationships is affection. It's not that family members don't feel it, they just aren't always sure how to show it. For many men, for example, simply saying the words "I love you" runs into an emotional barrier. For others, the problem may be giving hugs, or a kiss, or any kind of touch at all.
The most amazing thing is to look into the stories of Jesus and see that He was a man of touch. And He often touched those whom others thought of as "untouchable." Jesus touched the leper whom all others avoided with fear. He touched the eyes of the blind man and gave him sight. He touched the ears of the deaf and they could hear. He touched the woman with the hemorrhage and she was made well.
Families need to practice TOUCH, both literally and emotionally. Does yours?
Why is showing affection a difficult thing, or is it?
Why is saying "I love you" so seldom done in families, or is it?
And why is intimacy between a husband and wife often an expression of selfishness and not love?
We're not always comfortable talking about these things, but these problems are widespread. I would love to read your thoughts. Remember, many others will read your words too - we are having about 400 hits a week on this website. Some of your comments I will share in the services this weekend. And by writing your comments, you will be thinking through some of the key issues. Thank-you!!
Dale Travis
It is just me and my 10 year old son at our house. I often wonder if I try to over compensate for an an all male household. There are LOTS of I Love You's, the occasional hug and a High 5 any time we are to be seperated for any length of time; such as in the morning before school or whenever I drop him off at a class or such. Most of this comes easy since we were seperated once for a couple years and I try not to take any day for granted and to be grateful for what we do have today. However, I often wonder about my parenting skills and it sometimes gets frustrating when mistakes are made and lessons need to be taught. I fear the times I am frustrated or disappointed are the times I fail to touch or give that hug and say "Son I am so very proud of you regardless, and grateful to have this gift that has been given to us, I love you."
ReplyDeleteYou can never give enough I-Love-You's or hugs to kids. My parents never gave me anything but grief and they were strong Baptist people. We went to church every time the door was open, but there wasn't much love. Yeah, they put a roof over my head, fed and clothed me, but it was a really lonely childhood. It has greatly affected my relationships in later years and I have to often remind myself to love others. It's a good thing my wife is a complete opposite of me.
ReplyDeleteSo, please parents - love your children.
I grew up in a family where my father and mother always told us they loved us. I carried that on with my family, but I have to also so it. It was hard for my father to show affection toward us. Just saying I love you, doesn't make up for the hugs or kisses you get back from your children.
ReplyDeleteSaying it and showing it are two different things, but at the same time they go hand in hand!
Intimacy between a Husband and Wife is something that Churches very rarely feel comfortable talking about, and I wish there were more things said about it, because once we are married, we're sort of treading on new ground. In this society of tolerance and acceptance of most anything these days, including divorce, and seperation, it is so important to have integrity...and to also show your partner love, and affection. This is also one of the 5 love languages that people have. You can work all day, slave away in the house, kitchen, get your wife a gift, flowers, compliment her all day long, but if her love language is touch, none of that may matter to her, it may not speak to her, at all if you are not affectionate towards her and touch her...Many males in marital relationships struggle with not enough physical attention from their wives, and this can be caused by many different things, but I believe alot of it is because we are so busy, and we run ourselves ragged so at the end of the day, we want "me" time and don't always feel like our partner matters or needs extra affection from us. Sometimes it feels more like an obligation than a gift we can give to them. There are countless books, and articles about how to help out your marriage in the intimacy department, but it's not always biblical advice. Women didn't exactly get a "How to" lesson on how to be intimate with their husbands in the Bible. Alot of men don't want to be patient like Jacob was for Rachel. Jesus's example of loving the church is very hard to follow also for men who are not getting what they need at home from their wives, and vice versa. Submitting to your husband, is looked at in a very negative way these days by women who are wanting to feel empowered and in control. This is a very difficult subject to cover, but I definitely think more needs to be said, and our children need to be told as well, because I know when I was younger, I didn't get the talk, and I was confused and frustrated and not sure which way to go when hormones started to rear their ugly head. I didn't wait until I got married to have premarital sex, and my husband had been married before...that happens alot in today's society. That "moment" of closeness that is meant to be I just believe that this subject should be discussed more candidly, because younger people want to know, and they want boundaries in that area, not only because of sexually transmitted disease, but because of the examples they are seeing on TV, listening to on the Radio, and seeing even in their parents. The next generation will fail miserably at being good husbands and wives unless this subject is approached in an open yet Godly manner and if they see good examples, and see positive results.
ReplyDeleteOne touch
ReplyDeleteThe doctor said you have a son,
From a fathers eyes a tear drop hung,
You could almost see forever in His eyes.
The only thing he wanted then,
was to touch his son, to be with him,
so he holds him gently as his baby cries.
As his mother comes beyond her pain,
she is first to speak her babys name.
a trembling smile begins to light her face.
Her only wish, her one desire
her one delight, her hearts true fire,
would be if she could take his fathers place.
So softly, carefully, gently comes,
the Father to present his son,
A gift from heaven to his weary wife.
As she receives this priceless prize,
One touch, her heart does realize,
Can be the greatest blessing in your life.
11-05-09
Randy Weber
God just gave me that poem for us.
I just wanted to share a little bit about Agnieszka and myself and this topic of touch.
We are blesesed, not because we are deserving but because God loves us, to pray together morning and night and we do so holding each other in the snuggling possition. We have found for the past two years that praying together while we hold each other is such a magnificent expression of our love for each other and it translates to an expression of our love for God.
When we pray we hug each other and we hug God too. If the mom and dad love each other and will get past their selfs enough to give in to this gentleness of touching each other in Love, we find that it flows to the children in a natural and loving way.
The first act of touching is to allow yourself to be touched. Even if you know that by being vulnerable you might get hurt. Now some kinds touching will always be wrong, we all know that. The touching I describe here is only that which would be acceptable in the sight of God.
I post this with my name because I'm a hugger and I don't care who knows.
That is a wonderful poem! Wow! Wonder if I ought to use it this weekend? Hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteDale
I say yes use it, it is very good!
ReplyDeleteI must say that what Randy said was beautifully put... makes you think.
ReplyDeleteOn a personal note, I think that most likely if you've been in an abusive situation in the past then it makes it more hard to be touched. That is a point of vulnerability on the one being touched and even though we yearn for "safe hugs and touches" it's really hard to let those walls down.
Now... I DO feel that full-body hugs among youth of the opposite sex and those not married is wrong and asking for trouble as well as any opposite sex full body hugs. A shoulder hug is appropriate. Just my 2 cents and these days that won't buy a whole lot.
I would like to know why people tippy toe around the subject of sex. It is one of the most confusing topics, and also one of the ones that should be discussed in the church so it's members can have a better understanding, instead of being left in the dark, and only being told that one particular method of "touch" is acceptable, all else is sinful. Where does sex fall into that category? And where do we draw the line? Think pure thoughts....what about the sexual needs of your spouse? What if they don't fit in to your "pure thoughts"?? How do we decide what goes past the line?
ReplyDelete